Haunted Squirrels

I don't  know what it is about the holiday's that makes me reflect. Halloween is not normally a holiday of huge mile stones or favorite memories. It's fun to dress up and even more fun to dress up my daughter and take her out trick or treating. This year was a blast. She talked all month long about how she was going to be a princess or Pinkie Pie (my little ponies) or Elsa. This of course after the fact that I had followed her original request to be a glittery pink princess and had finished making her dress. I had even prepared myself for many princess, pretty and pink costumes to come. But once at my sisters house, where they were all going to be cave people, she was good to be a cave girl- so one night of trunk or treating as a princess in Jerome and one night of trick or treating as a cave girl in Kimberly. Fun Times.

Anyways, I remember this time last year- vividly. I remember feeling like I just had to get through the year. Work was slow and depressing. I was still trying to figure out how I was going to land on my feet. I had a few awkward first dates. I had a small but strong support system and Lucy was the bright spot of everything. I constantly thought I just needed to survive the year, that some how 2014 would be better. The rest of the holidays were bearable. Thanksgiving we went to a friends house and Christmas I spent the day with my sister. What was once my favorite time of year, turned into painful reminders of dreams I once had. I use to think that once we had a baby/a family of our own, we would be the "picture", that family with holiday traditions, cards with matching outfits and a hat for the dog. I never imagined that I would wake up Christmas morning by myself. Spending new years with a friend and people I've never met, feeling over whelmed with sadness to go home to an empty house, and welcome the new year by crying in a corner by myself, praying that it would get better. The end of January came and I was slapped with a custody battle and was in what I would call my "fourth watch", the rock bottom of all rock bottoms. Thankfully after hitting it, I came back with a vengeance. I was going to get my life back in order. No more pity party about how my life wasn't where I thought it would be. I was stronger than this and I knew I had to not only survive but I had to triumph. My life- My Choices, It was time to take control and make the hard decisions. In June my battle was over. It was a compromise on both ends. My business picked up after lots of long hours, my testimony and relationship with Heavenly Father strengthened and my body was rejuvenated as I started to run again. This time last year, I never would have believed I could hope again, that I would have a half marathon under my belt, that I would suddenly be addicted to running and races, or that my business would have grown so much. It was leaps of faith, walking into the dark and knowing I would be lead to where I needed to be. I am a different person then I was last year. I am no longer afraid of the unknown. I have faith that it will lead me to where I need to be, and I know I will be given the strength when I need it. I am happy to be who I am, I fought to become her.