Haunted Squirrels

I don't  know what it is about the holiday's that makes me reflect. Halloween is not normally a holiday of huge mile stones or favorite memories. It's fun to dress up and even more fun to dress up my daughter and take her out trick or treating. This year was a blast. She talked all month long about how she was going to be a princess or Pinkie Pie (my little ponies) or Elsa. This of course after the fact that I had followed her original request to be a glittery pink princess and had finished making her dress. I had even prepared myself for many princess, pretty and pink costumes to come. But once at my sisters house, where they were all going to be cave people, she was good to be a cave girl- so one night of trunk or treating as a princess in Jerome and one night of trick or treating as a cave girl in Kimberly. Fun Times.

Anyways, I remember this time last year- vividly. I remember feeling like I just had to get through the year. Work was slow and depressing. I was still trying to figure out how I was going to land on my feet. I had a few awkward first dates. I had a small but strong support system and Lucy was the bright spot of everything. I constantly thought I just needed to survive the year, that some how 2014 would be better. The rest of the holidays were bearable. Thanksgiving we went to a friends house and Christmas I spent the day with my sister. What was once my favorite time of year, turned into painful reminders of dreams I once had. I use to think that once we had a baby/a family of our own, we would be the "picture", that family with holiday traditions, cards with matching outfits and a hat for the dog. I never imagined that I would wake up Christmas morning by myself. Spending new years with a friend and people I've never met, feeling over whelmed with sadness to go home to an empty house, and welcome the new year by crying in a corner by myself, praying that it would get better. The end of January came and I was slapped with a custody battle and was in what I would call my "fourth watch", the rock bottom of all rock bottoms. Thankfully after hitting it, I came back with a vengeance. I was going to get my life back in order. No more pity party about how my life wasn't where I thought it would be. I was stronger than this and I knew I had to not only survive but I had to triumph. My life- My Choices, It was time to take control and make the hard decisions. In June my battle was over. It was a compromise on both ends. My business picked up after lots of long hours, my testimony and relationship with Heavenly Father strengthened and my body was rejuvenated as I started to run again. This time last year, I never would have believed I could hope again, that I would have a half marathon under my belt, that I would suddenly be addicted to running and races, or that my business would have grown so much. It was leaps of faith, walking into the dark and knowing I would be lead to where I needed to be. I am a different person then I was last year. I am no longer afraid of the unknown. I have faith that it will lead me to where I need to be, and I know I will be given the strength when I need it. I am happy to be who I am, I fought to become her.

Leaping, Logical Squirrels

Leaps of faith mean you are relying on God to get you to where you want to be. Logic means you basing your actions on probabilities and putting your faith in your own knowledge, strength and abilities.
I believe that when we make true leaps of faith, I mean closing your eyes and jumping not knowing your out come. I believe when we are asked and we take those leaps, that its difficult sometimes the hardest thing you can be asked- in the end we have no regrets.
There is maybe a space between a leap it's more of a small jump- when we prepare and learn, make a choice, pray about it. 
In our lives we are constantly directed and guided, pushed and pulled in different directions. There are many choices that don't matter so much in our lives. But we are told to ask God for direction, and to follow him. I believe logically you can talk yourself into or out of anything.
In my life I know I have been asked to take many leaps of faith, I'm talking scary big changes. But every time I have I have always been caught and given that which I need when I need it. And looking back at those times and seeing where they lead me. I have no regrets. Logically, I have moves salons twice in two years. Statistically my business should have dropped 30-40%. Those are the typical results. My business has grown 34% it makes no sense and when I try and logically look at it. I don't know how it has grow that way, I have lost a handful of clients both times I moved but some how have gained enough good and regular clients to not only make up for it, but grow. You may think that is wasn't a big deal, not a huge thing. But my business is everything, I have no one to fall back on financially. I am on my own. Logically, when I moved salons the first time, way back 8 years ago, I moved around the corned and lost 50% of my clients. We knew it was going to be a jump but knew in the long run it would be beneficial for our family. So the idea of being a single mom, with the low income I had, to move to a new salon across town was a huge leap of faith, but for the most part things lined up, scared to death I gave my notice and prepared for the change, and I did it, kicking and screaming, tears and panic attacks I made it. It was a long year, I didn't fit in very well and I hated the place I worked, but I was suppose to be there, had I not my business wouldn't have grown like it did and I wouldn't have found the awesome place I'm at now.

When we are asked to leap before we look, we don't have regrets. And we end up where we are meant to be. I just want to challenge you to let go. And have faith.

Farm Man Challenge

5K obstacle course out at Linder Farms. Well, we were told it was a 5K-4 miles but we finished in 23 mins, I'm thinking it was much shorter. Lots of fun though!

Envious Squirrels

FINALLY went on a short run today, I've been nursing my little legs back to 100% and its taken all of my patience and a few tears. But it felt SO good to get back out for a little one. I also went to lunch with a friend where we discuss the current obsessions of my little brain and decide if we can solve the worlds problems, Anyways, Today I realize,I envy the people in this world that know exactly what they want in life. We all know who I am talking about. The people in high school that know when they are freshman that they want to be a- nurse. So they work hard get into school, become a nurse and live happily ever after. It's what they wanted, they work for it and achieve-case closed. These are the people with favorites, colors, flowers, foods, places, candies. As a 30 year old. I know what I want for the most part, but I don't have favorites. I don't want to say I go which ever way the wind blows but I have a hard time putting down an anchor and saying this is what I want. This is my favorite whatever- I suppose I am some what emotional in all my dealings. Yellow is my happy color, no one can look at the color yellow and think sad. I think roses are romantic but I don't always want to be given roses, wild flowers last longer and have more variety.  I love sour patch kids unless I'm in the mood for chocolate. And if not than peachie-o's and Swedish fish are the next choices. I love change and movement, unless I'm tired and need a brake and then  I love silence and solitude- until I'm lonely. I always have that picture in my head of what would be great and what I really want but then I think does it really matter? Its not all up to me. Life happens and its not on my watch. Sometimes I think maybe its better to not have favorites, in someways its easier on those around you and maybe harder in other ways. Maybe less disappointments? Because there are less expectations of someone remembering all those things so you can just be happy with whatever it is they present you with? I like to think of it that way. Who doesn't love surprises? And the flexibility to be open to the many things that life has to offer. As envious as I am, I am happy to be me. Randomness and all.

Natural Squirrels

Sometimes it is difficult to decipher between the natural man mind and is it divine mind set? I use to think that everything happens for a reason. I use to think that people come into our lives for a reason. Life experience has taught me differently. I believe that there are key events in our lives that happen for a reason, to give us direction. I also believe there are people that are sent into our lives for a reason. But not everything and everyone is there for us or a reason.

The natural ideas in me, always wants the answer right now. Why is this person in my life? Have I already learned what I need from this person? Is there more to learn or teach? Is there a way to avoid heartbreak from this person. If so I need to learn, let go and keep moving before they can hurt me. Its the natural man that wants the instant answers and avoid being hurt, where the divine says wait and see, it might lead to some heartache but it will be useful in the long run. Maybe they aren't there to teach you a lesson, maybe you are there to teach them. Sometimes its the heartache that teaches us the most. When it comes to dating, it could show us that there are others in your boat, what you thought you wanted isn't whats healthy for you, that you still have a long way to grow yourself before you can grow with someone else. People can influence you for good, it doesn't mean they're your soul mate. I like to think that we made bonds and promises before we came down. That in some cases, not all, but some people we knew before and promised to help one another out. I think these people pop in and out of our lives. Sometimes they get to stay for a long time and other times they pop in just long enough to help, remind or teach you, and maybe it's you that's fulfilling a promise. Its hard to tell. Especially when there is someone new that makes you feel like you've known them forever or there is an instant click or attraction. I find that I want to attach myself to people and figure out where they are meant to fit into my life. The problem I face is that I either get overly attached or board and walk away. Mostly its the attached. I use to think I suffered from an attachment disorder ( different post and another time) but now that I have Lucy and have talked to a few...professionals I know I don't. Self diagnosis tells me I latch on to people and need them in my life for more than they are wanting  or for longer than they are suppose to be there. If I would submit and listen to the divine voice in my heart I would be able to understand, move freely and securely with friends and prospects. I sometimes feel like there really is an angle on one shoulder and a devil on the other.  

Young Women Squirrels

I had the opportunity to go to Young Women's in excellence. 
I love Young Women's, the reminders that we are daughters of our Heavenly Father no matter what and at any age is a beautiful message. 
One of the speakers said that we can't shock our Heavenly Father, He has not only seen it all, but has forgiven it all. It was a nice reminder. I've made some stupid mistakes and have shocked myself with bad choices. When I do royaly- mess up I am always disappointed in myself and busy wondering who else I've let down. I worry that I'm not a good example to others. I worry about how long it will take me to get back on track. And I kick myself when I feel like I've just rerouted myself for the long way. I forget that Heavenly Father knows whats in our hearts. He knows us and loves us for who we are, How incredible is that? And honestly another thing to remember is, we learn and grow from our mistakes, They help form us into who we are. 

The last speaker left us with the message, who am I? And quoted the song from Les Miserables. (one of my favorite musicals)

My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on

and challenged us to look deeper into who we are. We are unique. He spoke of our divine nature. That we just need to remember that we are children of Heavenly Father. We are sent to this world to be tried and tested, over and over again. In fact, that is what we signed up for, and when we signed up we were given a promise that Heavenly Father would make a way for us to get back to him. He does give us hope and strength, and when we need it the most,we just need to ask, in fact he tells us to ask.
 As a kid and even sometimes as an adult I am scared to ask for anything. I don't like to be turned down or disappointed. To fix that, I just don't inquire. The funny thing is, is if someone asks me for help of any kind I am always willing to drop what I am doing and help. I often over fill my schedule, and I am happy to be able to serve those around me. But when roles are reversed and I have to ask someone to help I feel as though I am a burden. It is something I need to work on. My Grandpa use to tell me that we should not deny others the blessings of being able to help us. Its true. We need to be less afraid and ask not just those around us, but for divine help as well. Heavenly Father knows us. He loves us, and when something is important or stressful to us we need to communicate with him.
 I have experienced the calm and peace he will give us, not to mention the blessings and guidance. We just need to ask and then have faith that he will send us what we need. 

silent squirrels

CITY OF TREES!

My First Half Marathon! HOLT CRAP who would have thought I would have ever gotten here? I was a little nervous since my training the past few weeks had tanked but I was also excited to get out and try. Couldn't have asked for better weather. I felt good, through the whole race. I am officially addicted, I love the energy of the people around me, I love that runners come in all shapes and sizes, not to mention ages. It also feeds my competitive side, I love the feeling of passing people! and then makes me keep going so they can't catch up. hehehe
As I was running today, I thought of people that have come into my life. I realize that everyone has taught me some sort of lesson or given me something to be grateful for. Mentally a hard look at the people in my life and can see where they have blessed my life and by doing so Lucy's. Quick shout out- To the people that have motivated me. Thank you. I never would have tackled this without your support and encouraging words.

Okay back to the Half Marathon! I have learned that I need to start a little further up the line! I kept getting stuck behind walkers. (But hey good for them for getting out there and doing it.) 
Really the weather was perfect for running, the sun was out but it stayed cool enough to keep you comfortable. Had a great experience, It was really well organized and put together. Gonna have to put it on the list for next year.
Jake and I celebrated my first half marathon, and his first race ever with Chili's, traditionally for me a big greasy bacon cheese burger. YUM And I also asked the waitress for out desert to come out first! :)
I am seriously considering just wearing my metal around town for the next few... I did earn it after all!
Official results- 2 hours 9 mins 56 seconds. 58th out of 166 in my age group, 152 out of 471 women and 265 out of 677 over all. Not bad for my first half!

                                        ( this is why I run)

Ground Squirrels

I have been, what feels like grounded, because running makes me feel like I can fly. It clears the cob webs and unnecessary worries and stresses. I can leave it all on the street.
 When I started running this spring, I bought the cute, cheep running shoes. I've only put 300 miles on them and now the week before my big race I have shin splits. urgh! Lesson learned!When I was pregnant with Lucy I  learned that spending money on good shoes for work was a must! And Now having experienced PAINFUL shin splits. I get it. It all comes down to taking care of your body the inside and the out. So Spend the money on GOOD shoes because your legs, ankles and feet will thank you for it!
I know that I kind of posted on this subject a while ago I'm going to touch on it again because I need to clear my head and my legs just wont let me. How frustrating is that? Yes, I have still done some swimming and let Jillian Micheal kick my butt. But it just isn't the same as hitting the street.
I have accepted that this is where I am suppose to be in my life. And I actually enjoy it, what can I say life, lemons...lemon bars anyone? At the same time its so scary to let go and truly say Heavenly Father this is in your hands. I am putting my faith in you. What is meant to be will be.

It has been  hammered into my head that you have to fight for what you want, and retraining myself to let things be has been difficult. I often feel like I am doing a puzzle without a picture, trying to figure it all out one piece at a time. I believe that sometimes we are handed pieces that don't fit yet, and I stress and wonder where will they fit? Are they even part of my puzzle or am I merely holding it while it waits for its real home?
I like to jump from here to there, I mentioned I liked living in the fast lane. In some ways my life is still there. Have I mentioned the 3 year old? How did that happen so fast? It feels like we just brought her home, put her car seat on the coffee table and wondered who let us take a baby home? And now here she is... A little girl that is so full of life, a little sponge that soaks up everything. Talking, singing, running, dancing and playing. 
And then there is life in general, I love my job. I have great clients and I found a great salon. But the same stresses pop up over and over and I can't figure them out. I wonder how the weeks and months seem to rush by without change. I have a good life, no complaints I just sometimes wonder, how long will I sit in the waiting place? When will I make my great escape? Dr. Susses says "Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping once more you'll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky! Ready because you're that kind of guy!"
I have faith my time to go will come and in the mean time ordered new shoes, so I'll be ready for anything under the sky. 

[What I've learned] We are taught at a very young age that if you want something, go and get it! Be tenacious! Be audacious! Be strong and chase it down! These statements and more have been my mantras for most of my life. However... there is more. (And isn't there always?) The reality is: You can only have that go-getter attitude on YOUR side of the equation. Life and other people still have to do their part(s). Lately, I do my part, and then... I don't push-and-push-and-push-and-PUSH. Instead — I surrender. I allow Life to do its job — to shift and adjust according to not only what I want/need/hope for... but to also make space for what it has planned. You can call it God, Mohammad, faith, the Universe... whatever. Free will and choice brings you most of the way... but sometimes you have to surrender so that you can succeed. - Charles Orlando

Couldn't have said it better 

Barber to Boise 10K

It's funny how things change. Last May I ran a 10K and thought that it was SO far. Today it was a great run and I thought 6 miles, that's not bad, I can do that easy. The weather was beautiful and perfect. I have a new appreciation for my body. How great are our bodies? Really we should all take a minute and be grateful for our bodies and all they are able to do. 

 I never thought that I would ever be considered a runner and now I love, love, love it! I think for me being around so many other people and the energy to run is just addicting. I look forward to many more!